It feels really crappy. Yep, it does. When you realize after 10 years of thinking you would be spending your life with this person, that perhaps he's been trying to convince himself for just as long, that you're the right person. Meaning.. he thought so, but has realized or is realizing, that he was wrong. Over 10 years, two kids, a successful business and a house later, I'm wrong for him. It feels really crappy to trust, over and over, that the good person inside really can find his way back out, that the pent up anger and resentment will resolve itself.. that one can really change. Change back. To the person you feel in love with. It feels really crappy that, the people who stand outside looking in offer opinions - when you say something like, 'yes, he's a ball of anger because the house is not clean enough...' to be interrupted with 'well, that's how ALL men are. It's called being married. ' Really? Well, not ALL men use the pretty-darn-clean-but-in-his-opinion-a-pig-sty house as his excuse to emotionally batter those he loves. Aside from that, YOU already know it's life. It doesn't have to be anybody's fault. It is what it is. It's HIM that wallows in anger over life as it is. Daily life kills him. It's HIM who's angry and unforgiving. It's you who's giving up. It's an excuse. Being a man that is. And so is : I can't talk about this right now, I'm trying to sleep. (Who fucking uses sleeping as his excuse to avoid discussing what could be the catalyst to the end of his marriage and family? The SECOND marriage and family he's lost. Who does that? or: You need a full time job so you won't call me all the time and try to talk to me while I'm busy (as he's calling you from work, while *YOU'RE* busy cleaning his fucking pigsty, to add some more demands to your list so he can come home and rip on you for not getting his month's worth list of crap done in 2 hours. --- yes, I'm venting) or: I hate talking on the phone - this after you had a nice, mature conversation for several minutes before his obvious low opinion of you seeped through and he made a comment that you dare admit was hurtful. As soon as you say something he doesn't approve of, he hates talking on the phone. And, yes, I could go for days. This is mild in comparison. And he wonders why I act like a fucking loony half of the time. He wonders. Why do people think, when they're talking to a person who has recently split from a marriage, that it's helpful to say things like "It's marriage, honey." Or "It's both of you." Oh, really? Sure is. You gave up, moved out and you're comfortable with your decision. He's miserable. How is that both of you? It takes two to tango and one to make it impossible. Do they honestly think that they KNOW what's gone on in your life? That they are qualified to say to you "it's life, honey. That's how marriage is?" Because I refuse to believe that this life I've lived over the past 10 years is a 'normal' marriage. Absofuckinglutely refuse. So there.